Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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