She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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