I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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