I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
