god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
