The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
