no. you can't hotbox the world.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
