I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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