I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
