I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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