Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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