You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
