from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
