It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
