my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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