When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
