Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
