why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
