WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And then he peed in my hair
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