oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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