she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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