Tell her she can't have a vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
