the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
