just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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