so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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