Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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