blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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