I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
