Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My ass is underappreciated
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize