In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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