even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
