So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize