i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
