Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
