She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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