Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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