11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize