No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
