i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
