i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You smell like stripper and shame
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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