we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
