Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
