God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
