I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
