Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize