Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
