Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
