The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So vagazzling was a success
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
