last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
