$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
