I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Two words: blizzard sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
