i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
