so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
