I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
