guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize