wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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