I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
