Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
