is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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