Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
