i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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