i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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