laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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