I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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