went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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