Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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